The Orange and Pink Sunset is my sapphic poetry chapbook, which released 30 April 2024. This collection is themed around my experiences, joys, and difficulties as a lesbian.
My poetry writing style is simple, raw, and understandable. If you like Running Upon the Wires by Kae Tempest, you might like my poetry.
You can buy The Orange and Pink Sunset as an ebook or paperback from Amazon or my store.
Content warnings: familial homophobia, religious homophobia, adult language, mild violence/gore, sensual content.
“lesbian” isn’t a bad word
First, I identified as bi,
even though I never liked dick.
Everything I did in bed with men was to avoid something else.
I was a strong believer of “It doesn’t matter what’s in someone’s pants”
until I slept with a woman for the first time
and liked
every part of it.
Later, I identified as sapphic, despite my wife’s insistence that it wasn’t a real label.
I had a hard time saying “lesbian,”
but “sapphic?” Sure.
I knew I liked women,
that had been a constant since I was seven:
watching Sailor Moon, half in love with Neptune;
admiring my first-grade friend Kasey’s new perm;
drawing busty women, one after another, and never a singular man.
One February night as I rewatched Arcane, I curved my palms around “lesbian.”
I drew it in, held it close. Gave it a little smooch on the forehead.
It felt like a space heater, soft and warm and cozy. It was Vi. It was Caitlyn. It was me.
I tried it out on my tongue with a joke: “How can I live laugh lesbian in these conditions?”
Yesterday, I smoothed a witchy lesbian-pride sticker onto my water bottle.
The orange and pink sunset felt good. Felt right.
It’s not all of me, but it is part of me, and I’m no longer afraid of the word.
I’m not letting go
my heart has teeth
I bite down and refuse to give up whatever—
whomever—
I love
my heart has nails
I dig in with both hands,
selfish and greedy
my heart growls
just try to pry me away,
you bastards,
I dare you
my heart is soft with a core of steel
you can’t break my grip—
I’ll die before I give up on this;
catch me rotting in the searing sun
before I go to my knees
there goes the sun
I was afraid to come out
Because I knew things would be different—worse—
and I was partially right:
My entire family, save one sister, boycotted my wedding.
I’m no longer welcome in church if my wife is with me.
Scripture falls apart when I touch it.
Some things have deteriorated.
Yet others stayed the same:
My closest friends remain.
Writing frees me.
The moon waxes and wanes.
And others still are better now:
My relationship with that sister is on the mend.
I have a new queer circle of friends who hold me tight.
I can write everything I want to.
I’m honest with the world and with myself.
The sun has set on what my life used to be,
there’s no going back,
but that loss allows the stars to shine,
and I’m more at home in the moonlight anyway.
current mood: waning crescent
I wax and wane
like the moon,
rise and fall
with the tide—
each season ushers in
a new version of me,
happy,
sad,
manic,
depressive—
and though I’m not sure why,
you love each phase,
which says more about
how generous you are
than about
how lovable I am.
Advance Praise for The Orange and Pink Sunset
“James’ writing is sweet, candid, and necessary. Her poems tell tales that will undoubtedly be relatable to the queer reader, provoking feelings of sorrow and solidarity both, and gradually fostering a sense of bright, palpable hope. Fresh yet enchantingly familiar, The Orange and Pink Sunset bleeds with authenticity.”
- Rose McCoy, author of When the World Didn’t End
***
“Exquisite joys & sorrows are laid out before you, like rare gems on an offering table right from the jump.
Bodyblows & massive hooks to the soul & spine on every page, snatching the air out your lungs, bringing you to tears a time or two on moments that hit so so so near to home, but instilling a craving to keep reading.
It ends so sweet, so subtle, so perfect, you go back and read it again.
In short: Ivy L. James offers here a rapturous sermon in the chapel of Sappho, and we should all be ever so grateful for the privilege to take in The Orange and Pink Sunset.
Just make sure to bring an offering for Saint Sailor Neptune, won’t you?”
- Clem Flowers, author of I Know Nothing But The Night (Bullshit Lit) & KUDZU (Cowboy Jamboree Press)
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